Two mountains of muscle, usually peacefully occupying the same weight bench. Two jerseys that haven't gotten along since 1814. A quarter-final that makes the arcade machine flash a bold VERSUS: Erling Haaland versus Jude Bellingham, Dragon Boat versus Empire. And while England is already rehearsing their coronation ceremony, Norway calmly loads their next attack. Welcome to the duel that makes football romantics dream, yet which can only have one outcome.
Bellingham is the face the English tabloids have been hailing as a messiah for years: Real Madrid glamour, advertising contract jaw-dropping, that rehearsed goal celebration with outstretched arms as if he'd just single-handedly drained the English Channel. England has been dragging the same yellowed trophy through every tournament week since 1966, chanting "Football's coming home" as if mere repetition were some kind of legal right. Nostalgia isn't a tactic. And a midfielder who's perfected Instagram poses isn't going to stop a striker who's devouring goalkeepers for breakfast.
The real irony: Haaland was born in Leeds, holds a British passport, and could easily have played for the Three Lions back then. He chose Norway – the country of five and a half million inhabitants that England would rather not see again after that. In World Cup qualifying, he scored 16 goals in eight games , surpassed 50 international goals in under 50 appearances, and in the round of 16, he single-handedly dismantled Brazil. Five World Cup title aspirations for the Seleção: crushed by a player who apologized to the opposing goalkeeper for his six-goal massacre. Courtesy as psychological warfare.
The Viking image is the official stage direction: Norway's team poses grimly in Viking costumes , King Harald reads out the squad announcement like a declaration of war, and after every victory, Haaland and his men row an imaginary longboat through the stadium with the fans. That's the difference: England manages a sixty-year-old myth, Norway is currently building its own – with axe, oar, and a striker who scores from every conceivable position. The statisticians dutifully give the Scandinavians a 3,25 percent chance of winning the title. Sweet. That's exactly how it sounds just before the underdogs overrun half the tournament.
In the end, the Norsemen plunder England just as their ancestors did a thousand years ago with the same coastlines – only this time, instead of monasteries, an English goal factory goes up in flames. Bellingham can save his arms-spreading celebration for the cameras while the Vikings load the next boat. And when the final whistle blows, England will once again learn what it has been suppressing since 1966: Football doesn't come home – it sails north!
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"Dravens Tales from the Crypt" has been enchanting for over 15 years with a tasteless mixture of humor, serious journalism - for current events and unbalanced reporting in the press politics - and zombies, garnished with lots of art, entertainment and punk rock. Draven has turned his hobby into a popular brand that cannot be classified.
My blog was never designed to spread news, let alone get political, but with current affairs I just can't help but capture information here that is otherwise censored on all other channels. I am aware that the design page may not seem "serious" to many in this regard, but I will not change this to please the "mainstream". Anyone who is open to non-state-compliant information sees the content and not the packaging. I've tried enough to provide people with information over the last 2 years, but quickly noticed that it never matters how it's "packaged", but what the other person's attitude towards it is. I don't want to put honey on anyone's mouth to meet expectations in any way, so I'll keep this design because hopefully at some point I'll be able to stop making these political statements, because it's not my goal to go on like this forever 
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