Forget the Sermon on the Mount: Some AI tinkerer gave Jesus Kratos' moveset and threw him into a burning New York – «God of War: Jesus», the crossover no church was waiting for, yet long overdue.

The Messiah, clad in white robes and crowned with thorns, plows through the urban canyons, smashes horned demons across yellow taxis, and finally faces a boss with a burning core in his chest, looking like he escaped straight from "Dante's Inferno." The best part: bread multiplication serves as ammunition. Anyone who telekinetically hurls loaves of bread through the air doesn't need twelve disciples, just enough baked goods. Plus, there's an angel as a support class with a pillar of light and a finisher that makes every fatality from Celebrity Mortal Kombat look like child's play.

Somewhere, a digital ethics officer is surely hyperventilating, just like the mop-rag crowd did with the blood-blowing Wolverine movie . Sony would have killed for this sequel. Meanwhile, the state church is drafting working papers on contemporary preaching. And the carpenter from Nazareth no longer turns the other cheek, but slaps it out of the devil's face – and calls it "Good News"!

Jesus can't withstand anything but his fist: Sermon on the Mount off, Mortal Kombat on.
Jesus can't withstand anything but his fist: Sermon on the Mount off, Mortal Kombat on.

Transparency note: Illustrations were created digitally and are for illustrative purposes only. This article has been editorially reviewed and approved.

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