Billag - the other day in the neighborhood

February 10th, tired and exhausted from work, I drove to my friend's apartment. It was tidy there, there was something to eat in the refrigerator. After filling my stomach, I made myself comfortable on the sofa.

At that moment the doorbell rings. I go to the door and look through the spy. There was a well-dressed man about 40 years old.

As soon as I opened the door, the good man began:

Billag-Fahnder: “Hello, my name is Lars Lästig, I am your license fee representative… blah blah…. blah blah..."

Billag? Really a Billag investigator? Oh dear ...

Billag investigator: “……blabla…….. are you Ms. Anja K.?”

Did he really just ask me if I am Mrs. Anja K. (my girlfriend)? (I really don't look like a woman, I also wore a clearly visible three-day beard)

Even I was speechless. There was silence in the hallway. Suddenly the hammer of knowledge hit me: There is life after brain death, the proof is before you. Wrap up the guy and the next Nobel Prize is yours. I decided against it, because the good man was certainly not house trained and instead I replied that I was Gina W., Mrs. K.'s illegitimate daughter.

Billag investigator: “Well, let’s leave it alone. You probably know…….blabla……..obliged ……….blabla……..to register……”

I was reluctant to interrupt the flow of speech from the Billag investigator, but I told him that I had to go to the bathroom, but promised him that I would be back in a moment and closed the door behind me. After five minutes there were the first gentle attempts to ring the bell.

After another three minutes he rang the bell and I opened the door again.

Billag investigator: “What have you been doing for so long?”

Truthfully, I answered him that I had a lukewarm beer. In addition, my toenails had to be cut again.

Billag-Fahnder: “Such an impudence, I’ve never experienced anything like that before….”

Unfortunately, I had to agree with the good man and promised to talk to my friend this evening about why she hadn't put the beer in the fridge. Really a cheek.
Now this spiritual low-flyer turned red and freaked out.

Billag-Fahnder: “If they continue to put on a Punch and Judy show like this, I can also open up other sides. A call from me and the police search your apartment……blabla……. That will be very expensive for them…blabla.”

Logical, with the canton police and special task force.

Visibly intimidated, I now promised to work effectively and to leave my puppet theater.

Billag investigators: “Do you have a television or a radio?”

I kindly gave the man information. “Yes, of course, I have 2 televisions, 3 radios, another radio in my office and two in my cars.”

Billag investigators: “Did you register them?”
Me: “No, unfortunately not yet.”
Billag investigators: “How long have you had these devices?”
Me: «Approx. 10-12 years."

Uiiiii, now he was drooling as he thought over his commission. Well, to make it short, after a minute or two he held two pieces of paper under my nose to sign. A registration from Billag and a letter that I have owned the equipment for five years. Both made out to my friend's name and address.

As friendly as I am, I informed him that I am neither Mrs. Anja K., nor live here.

Billag investigator: “Where do you live?”
Me: “Don’t you know that?”
Billag investigator: “Nope”
Me: “Great – then have a good evening.”

I closed the door, turned off the doorbell and switched on the television, the beer was a bit cooler.

In this sense cheers!